Monday, July 11, 2011

11/07/2011: A simple guide to an EU bailout

How EU countries go bust - a Simple 13-steps Guide for Asking for Bailouts:

Stage 1: Deny the problem (debt/deficit/banks - or all three) exists
Stage 2: Blame the Markets (ban short selling 'speculation' and condemn irresponsible profiteering)
Stage 3: Announce first round of cuts to purely "increase markets confidence" (no need to actually want to implement them)
Stage 4: Deny again that problem exists ("Our resolute measures - stage 3 - have resolved the problem")
Stage 5: Claim your country is not like Portugal/Greece/Ireland/Iceland
Stage 6: Announce a turnaround in the economy's prospects (or the imminent arrival of one)
Stage 7: Blame domestic 'doomsayers' for 'turnaround' being delayed
Stage 8: Announce more fake/ineffective/unimplemented austerity
Stage 9: Claim solvency for the next 6-9mo ("We are pre-funded for... months")
Stage 10: Ask Ohli "Imagineerer" Rhen / Grabosso / Lag(behind reality)arde / Frumpy von Rompuy to confirm Stages 4, 5, 6, and 9 announcements during a trip to your country
Stage 11: Send a motorcade to the airport to meet ECB/IMF team and Ask for a Bailout.

Post Bailout:
Stage 12: Blame ECB/IMF/EU/Markets/Rating Agencies for collapse of your economy
Stage 13: Repeat from Stage 4 through 10 to arrive at Bailout-2...
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